*ahem*, Goodness. What a long time it's been since the last post. A YEAR? Well, as a "blogger" I have to say that maybe I should, you know, blog.
I've also wanted to rant to no one in particular but have it on the internet so someone could possible notice it.
So, today me and j9‽ were "ganging out" at my home (typo actually intended, folks) and watched one of the weirdest yet funniest movies we've seen in a while. Seriously, it's pretty messed up.
There's this plumber, and this monster that looks like a mix between Jabba the Hutt and Christopher Walken (ONCE YOU SEE IT YOU CANNOT UNSEE IT -- CLICK WITH CAUTION) that vomits things into people and turns them into bloodthirsty republicans. Or something. Anyways, we watched this and we could not stop laughing. It was very entertaining...maybe because of the freaky resemblances or the fact that the plumber sucked at combat and constantly THREW AWAY EVERY BLASTED WEAPON HE POSSESSEDDDDDDD! *hiss* As if he were thinking, "I can't beat another zombie to death with a pipe! It might get monotonous!" So he minced around and screamed in every possible direction and you could swear while you were watching it that there were knowing, loving glances between Jabba the Walken and Jack the Plumber but they had to restrain everything (this is how we watch movies) and...then Jabba the Walken fatsploded and then...the end? Right before the fatsploding there was a kinky look between J the W and Jack the Plumber then Jack went, fatsploded him with a hatchet and stole a kiss with some blonde chick never introduced up until this point (as far as we know - we didn't see the beginning). "That's okay," he thought, "There's bimbos everywhere."
I also remember the running scenes. My mum commented that only the slowest died....and everyone died. There were too many freaky soocumber (sea cucumber word splurt made by me) limbs that J the W produced to slink them all back to his evil Physics lab of DOOM (OH yes, this was set in a high school)
It's like Craig Ferguson likes to say - sexy teenagers, beware.
But the un-sexy teenagers died. Oh well. (...Wait, were there any sexy teenagers? All I remember is the ugly one and the fatsploding and...no, no, there weren't. They were maybe just unlucky then. It's one thing to be unattractive - that's okay - but being bloodfatsploded on is just too much.) I remember the nerdy one broke her thumb, cried about it, then got slinked back to the Physics place of doom. She was one of the bloodthirsty zombies at one point, and got smashed in with a very freakin' useful pipe. Then it got thrown away :(
The moral of the story, kids, is that when you have a bitchy girl screaming at you in the whistle register in your car, you abandon her, get all plumber-gussied up, and you FIGHT. THOSE. ZOMBIE. BASTARDS. FATSPLOSION. BITCH.
Then, you can emigrate to the middle of nowhere, get pimped up in shaggy robes and fight all the other zombie bastards. I mean, Old Howard got his hand bitten off by one....they deserve to perish. (While we're on the subject of Old Howard, he had a bowtie. A bowtie! That adorable little coot. I adore him. Maybe as a result, I can't remember a thing he said in the movie. Oh, yeah, ThaReeza just told me - as we are both writing this, just to confuse you - that he said "Now that you've made me piss my goddamn pants, what can I do you for?" However, this is not nearly as cute as the bowtie.) (And suspenders!!) (Even as a kid in a 70-year-old flashback. Uncle with suspenders that were askew pinky nom nom nom.) (Shame, uncle, shame.) (Wait...I'm shaming him for his suspenders...and not attempting to eat his nephew's hand...which was, by the way, replaced by a perversely delightful hook later on...I'd better stop with the parentheses before I hurt myself...)
FAB. YOU. LUSSSSSSSUH. *sigh* Let's just say it was an eventful day (eeee rhyming lovelies) of funnies and wonders and J the W's. I think I won't be able to watch Star Wars nor ....anything with Chrisopher Walken again! But this may be a good thing. I mean, to visualize that ...thing, may not be the best image for those of the faint of heart, but the fact that there is such a monstrosity is probably all for the better.
Ladeedaadeedaa....what to say next? I have something to say! (The switching without announcing is going to be confusing. Oh, well.) Because pure randomness without any form or content was getting too hard to keep up (it was like eating a bowl of sauerkraut without anything else more substantial or less fun to say) we'll try to start doing these - more ranty things, more new fun verbs like fatsplode, things that we actually get ideas for. Instead of maybe SNAZZY LITTLE TOURISTS FLINGING HATS IN MY STEW ON A SLIGHTLY LESS RABID TUESDAY, though we certainly haven't grown out of that yet.
ThaReeza, being the artist that she is, was kind enough to illustrate our randomness. So it's not all gone. It's a side dish now. Quotes of the day that came from all this: "You...threw a box. You threw a cardboard box. At a zombie?!!"
And, of course, "'That's okay,' he thought, 'There's bimbos everywhere.'"
P.S. this post, was in fact written by both ThaReeeza and j9‽ during different times. We switched more than what was said, but I hope you weren't too too confused.
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