For the record, I love baby wombats.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Some of them are so intelligent they can tell you the difference between kicking something and moving it with your foot, while doing calculus with one hand and solving world hunger with the other.
Then...there are people like me. Well, I'm not like this all the time, but I did the most stupid thing I've ever done in my life last night, and I'm willing to share it with you here.
It all started with a malicious case of the hiccups. The hiccups themselves weren't quite so malicious as their intent was. Or however that works. So, like a good little girl who doesn't want to be jumping and shrieking and spasming all over the place, I went to the kitchen and got a cup.
There was a bottle so very innocently sitting on the counter, that said "Mango Nectar" on it. It was red and kind of thick, so I thought it was a concentrated blend or something like that of mangos and that. I smelled it, and the first thing that I thought was, "It smells like pizza sauce!" However, things like durian smell awful and (supposedly; this is the part I'm still sceptical about) taste good, so I tried it. I licked a drip in the glass, and it didn't taste like much, but I don't know why and I didn't give it any thought. I put a bit of the stuff in the mango nectar bottle into my glass - glop - with a bit of apple juice and a bit of orange juice. I had to mix in the "mango nectar" stuff with a spoon. At that point, I was expecting something extremely good, and hiccup-killing.

Sip.

IT WAS THE BLOOD OF A BABY WOMBAT. I RECOGNIZED THE TASTE IMMEDIATELY.

No, it wasn't. Getting back to what really happened...

EEWWWWW. I looked at the bottle as if it had just eaten my pillow. The hiccups weren't gone, though, and I didn't want to waste my drink, so I held my breath (same thing as holding your nose, minus the...well, minus the holding your nose part, but that's not the point - the important thing is that I couldn't taste it) and gulped the rest down after realizing that it still was gross after trying to dilute it with more juice and then some water.
I went to my mom afterwards and told her, "That mango nectar stuff is gross! Don't get it again! Ugh!"
She looked at me quizzically, and said, "We're out of mango nectar."
"Then what was in the mango nectar bottle?" (Panic, panic, panic)
At this point, she was trying not to laugh. TRYING not to laugh. "Janine, that was ketchup."
"...It didn't SAY 'ketchup' on it!"
Then, later when I was telling my dad, he looked at me funny and said, "Oh, I was wondering why there was ketchup at that bottom of the glass."


Am I moronic or moronic? Well, I guess I'm a kind of entertaining moron, but...boy, was it awful.
My pride, sanity, and IQ are probably all hitchhiking to Nashville to make a career in country music now, but I won't miss them. Bumpkins.


Let's celebrate! Full round of ketchup juice on me at my place!